


Scar Tissue

by zed_pm



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2019-10-23 19:04:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zed_pm/pseuds/zed_pm
Summary: A mission forces Obi-Wan to confront his dreams and his past.





	1. Day Four

**Author's Note:**

> FYI - This story will be heavily influenced by events in the Jedi Apprentice series. I apologize in advance if you have not read them. 
> 
>  
> 
> “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.”  
> \- Marcel Proust

_The voices echoed in the emptiness around him._

**_It should have been you._ **

_They were both near and far, everywhere and nowhere._

**_You did not belong._ **

_His blood was ice. His skin was on fire._

**_He will never forgive you._ **

_The sound of rushing water came from somewhere beyond the darkness._

**_He will leave you, too, Obi-Wan Kenobi._ **

_Falling to his knees he screamed in silence._

 

Obi-Wan jolted awake and immediately slammed his mental shields back into place. _Qui-Gon can’t see this. He can’t know._

The voices had plagued his dreams for the last three days. Today made four.

Throwing off the thin blanket that covered him, he sat up slowly and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead and his stomach turned painfully. When had he eaten last? The day before yesterday? The day before that? He was so tired that time was starting to blur. _Time._

Obi-Wan glanced at the chrono on his bedside table and groaned. Dawn was still another four hours away and Qui-Gon wouldn't be up for at least three. Another full night’s rest was gone.

Propping his elbows on his knees, Obi-Wan scrubbed both hands down his face. A migraine was blossoming behind his eyelids, the slightest touch causing the colors to swirl wildly. His thoughts swirled with them.   

He always recognized the voices in his dreams, but he could never see their faces. Faces he knew to be dead. Faces he had watched die. Was the force warning him? Or was this finally a judgment for years of his own failure? Maybe it was both.  

“Do not dwell on dreams, Obi-Wan. Learn from them and let them go,” he could hear Qui-Gon saying. “The future is always in motion, but with enough fear a man can bring about his own ruin.” It was advice that Qui-Gon had not heeded himself once and the cost had been great.

With a heavy sigh Obi-Wan stood and walked to the refresher for a shower. He let the cold water pummel him until his body began to shiver. Then he stepped out, dried himself off, and dressed for the day pulling on his leggings, tunic, and boots.

When he finally headed for the door he caught his reflection in a small mirror on the nearby dresser. What he saw there startled him. His face was paler and more haggard than he had realized. The lines around his eyes deepening from fatigue. Qui-Gon would notice. And he would notice soon.

Momentarily lost in his own reflection, Obi-Wan took hold of the padawan braid behind his right ear and slid his fingers down its entire length, counting each knot. _Eleven years._

**_He will leave you, too, Obi-Wan Kenobi._ **

Obi-Wan’s eyes refocused and his outward mask of calm slid into place.

Then he was gone.


	2. Tea

Whenever Qui-Gon Jinn awoke within the temple walls, he knew one thing for certain: Obi-Wan Kenobi would bring him his morning tea.

It was not a task Qui-Gon had assigned to him as his master, nor was it one he wished for his padawan to continue should he deem it a detriment to his time, but it was something that Obi-Wan had continued to do for reasons known only to himself.

Eight years ago, Qui-Gon had very nearly destroyed his relationship with the boy after the death of Tahl, but Obi-Wan had persevered, helping to shoulder Qui-Gon’s burdens as best he could.

Thus, the tea.

But of course it was more than the tea itself. The gesture had served as a distraction then. Now it was a comfort. A comfort for them both, he imagined, though he could not speak as confidently for Obi-Wan anymore.

Too late did Qui-Gon realize that more than just Tahl had been lost then. Obi-Wan had begun to close a part of himself off as well.

Where once the emotions resonated from his padawan like heat from a sunburn, now Qui-Gon could only feel the man’s presence, his well-being. The rest had been locked securely away beneath an impassive mask and clenched jaw.

Qui-Gon ruminated on these things as he left his bedroom and entered the rest of his living quarters. It was just before dawn and he knew that Obi-Wan would already be waiting for him.

Or at least he should have been. Stepping towards the kitchen he realized that Obi-Wan was not there after all. Instead, a neatly prepared tray sat waiting on the kitchen’s small island counter. Upon it was a small pot a tea, a single cup, a morning pastry, and a flimsi. The handwriting on the flimsi was unmistakable.

It read: “My apologies for not joining you. I will be available by comlink when you need me.”

A warning stirred within Qui-Gon just as his own comlink chirped. He pulled it from his belt.

“Master Qui-Gon, awake you are?” It was Yoda.

“Yes, Master Yoda. What can I do for you?” Qui-Gon answered.

“Require your presence in the council chambers I do. As soon as you are able.”

“Of course, Master. I will retrieve my padawan and be up shortly.”

“Your padawan you need not bring. Leave him to meditate you will.”

Was that concern Qui-Gon heard in Yoda’s voice? The warning stirred again.

“As you wish,” Qui-Gon replied. The signal ended.

Returning his comlink to his belt, Qui-Gon grabbed the pastry left for him, wrapped it in a small cloth, and stored it away in a pocket of his robes. Then he headed out into the hallway of the temple.

The pot of tea remained untouched on the counter where it slowly grew cold.


	3. Yoda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon speaks with Yoda.

The door to the council chambers opened just as Qui-Gon reached it. Inside, Yoda was slowly crossing the large room to sit in his chair just beneath the windows on the chamber’s far side. The early morning Coruscant traffic was already dotting the skyline distantly behind him like a swarm of insects. 

“Qui-Gon Jinn, an assignment for you I have. Need you and your padawan the Council does,” Yoda said without turning. 

The rest of the Council was not here and neither was his padawan Qui-Gon noted to himself. “Yet you told me not to bring Obi-Wan.” 

Yoda crawled into his chair and sat down. He held his gimer stick upright in front of him. 

“Told you that I did. When done here relay my instructions to him you will.” 

Qui-Gon just nodded. It was folly to try and understand the ancient Jedi.

“To the planet Nostra I am sending you. An escort Prime Minister Finis needs to Coruscant. Meet with their Senator she must.” 

An escort assignment was not out of the ordinary for the Jedi, but behind such a task always lay a greater threat. 

Qui-Gon quickly thought through his knowledge of Republic worlds. Nostra sat at the edge of the Inner Rim and thus acted as a trading post between Inner and Outer Rim planets. The planet was also rich with veins of ore that would allow it to be self-sufficient even if trade ceased. 

The Prime Minister of such a planet would be wealthy and very powerful. And would have many enemies. 

“Do you know what the meeting is about?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“Know I do not. Know this I do. Fail recent negotiations have between Nostra and The Trade Federation.”

There it was. The Trade Federation was also wealthy and growing more powerful every day. And the Neimodians took very nearly everything they wanted by force or influence. When they didn’t get what they wanted, they simply removed any barrier and tried again.  

“Failure is but a momentary inconvenience to The Trade Federation,” Qui-Gon said. “They will try to forcibly remove the Prime Minister soon if they have not done so already.”  _ And they will do so by any means necessary.  _

Because The Trade Federation did not have an army, at least not yet, they relied on bounty hunters to do their dirty work. It was a reliance that would make Qui-Gon’s task even harder. Even the cheapest bounty hunters could prove difficult to anticipate and Neimoidians weren’t cheap.

Not cheap. And ruthless.

They also had a morbid appreciation for poisons and chemical warfare that they would, in turn, pass along to all manners of villainy they decided to hire. Such weapons worked quickly, efficiently, and could never adequately be traced back to them. Like everything else they owned or did – such weapons left an impression. 

Yoda grunted in agreement. “Serve you well your instincts do. Twice already attempts have been made. Unhurt she has been though several others have died in her place.” 

“That is unfortunate,” Qui-Gon replied solemnly.

“Do their duty they did. As do yours you both must.”

Yoda’s words hung ominously in the air between them. Qui-Gon shifted uncomfortably.

When Yoda spoke again, his voice was filled with the same concern Qui-Gon had heard earlier over the comlink. “Urge much caution I do, Qui-Gon. Prepared for such an assignment I do not believe Obi-Wan is.” 

The sudden mention of his padawan caused Qui-Gon to start. He took a step forward and crossed his arms defensively. Obi-Wan had proved himself more than capable over the last ten years and would see any assignment to the end. Of that much Qui-Gon was absolutely certain. 

Yet the warning screamed within his mind like a distant siren. 

“If you have seen something in his future that I have not, I would have you tell me so I can instruct him,” Qui-Gon demanded of the wizen Jedi in front of him.  

“See many futures, I do. But shrouded in fear he is. Unclear his path has become.” 

Qui-Gon instinctively reached through his force bond to Obi-Wan. He could feel him far below their feet safe within the walls of the temple. He was tired but well and at least momentarily at peace. Qui-Gon felt nothing of fear.

But he felt Yoda staring at him. 

Yoda pointed a clawed finger at him. "Know the unrest of their padawan’s mind a Jedi Master should. Yet know yours you do not.” 

The accusation struck Qui-Gon as if it had been a slap in the face. 

“He hides from things from me,” Qui-Gon argued, sounding childish even to his own ears. 

“Hm. And ask him why that is, have you?” Yoda tapped his gimer stick once on the floor. 

Yoda already knew the answer so Qui-Gon said nothing.

Then suddenly Yoda moved to stand. A sign that conversation was over. 

“A ship is ready for your travel to Nostra. Find your padawan in the room of fountains you will.” 

“Yes, Master. May the force be with you,” Qui-Gon said finally before bowing and turning to leave. 

When once more alone in the Council chambers, Yoda hung his head and sighed. 


	4. The Waterfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan makes a new friend.

The sun was just starting to rise over Coruscant when Qui-Gon entered the room of a thousand fountains. High above him the lights were a perfect imitation of the orange glow of dawn as if the ceiling itself was made of transparisteel. Around him waters rushed and babbled ceaselessly to their hidden destinations.

It was easily Qui-Gon’s favorite time of day to visit the room. He felt as though it reawakened every morning like all the other inhabitants of the temple. Outside of the temple on Jedha, this was where he felt closest to the force. There was a peace here that existed nowhere else on Coruscant.

So it was little wonder why his padawan would have come here to meditate. Though the room did not always hold the same peace for Obi-Wan as it held now.

The great waterfall that rose above all else in the room had once been where a bitter rivalry between Obi-Wan and another Jedi had ended in death.

Bruck Chun had been an irascible boy. And it was that anger that had turned him to the aid of Qui-Gon’s old apprentice, Xanatos, during an attack on the Jedi temple.

The attack had followed on the heels of Obi-Wan’s fall from the order. At the time Qui-Gon had allowed Obi-Wan to return with him to the temple only to face his probation. But soon after the attack had come and Obi-Wan all but begged Qui-Gon to allow him to help. Qui-Gon had been wary, his trust for Obi-Wan greatly diminished, but the boy persevered and had uncovered Chun’s part in the plot out quickly.

The confrontation between Obi-Wan and Bruck took them up the waterfall where they dueled briefly before Chun fell to his death.

Chun’s father would later bring charges of murder against Obi-Wan, who, in turn, had to fight for his life in front of a Senate hearing. Though Qui-Gon had eventually found the evidence to prove Obi-Wan’s innocence, he was never certain that Obi-Wan had forgiven himself.

The waterfall would then stand as a reminder of his padawan’s failure.

Qui-Gon released the sting of the old memories from his mind and looked out into the meadow to his left. A group of younglings had been brought to the room of fountains and were now playing on the grass. Some of the older children chased each other playfully while the smaller children sat in the grass diverted by trinkets they had brought with them. Their nursemaids stood watchfully at the meadow’s far side seemingly content to the let the children enjoy themselves.

Qui-Gon couldn’t help but smile. Force-sensitive children such as these could allow themselves to be filled by the force unabated by fear or sadness, anger or jealousy. It was a great pity that all Jedi could not remain this way. But then where would a Jedi be without the sufferings of life to help them learn? Such things were the will of the force, Qui-Gon knew. _We must learn from them and let them go._

A deep voice tore Qui-Gon from his thoughts.

“Have you come to practice our exercises with us, Master Jinn?”

Qui-Gon turned to see Plo Koon walking up to stand beside him.

“Unfortunately not, Master Koon. Though, I admit that my skills are a bit rusty and could do with the exercise. Instead, I was searching for my padawan. Yoda has given us an assignment and unfortunately we must leave immediately.”

“Ah yes, Nostra,” Plo Koon replied knowingly. “He is here. Though I do not know how successful his morning meditations have been.” He raised his hand and pointed off to their right. “He was here when we arrived. I fear we may owe him an apology for the disturbance.”

Qui-Gon followed the Kel Dor Master’s gaze and then raised his eyebrows in surprise.

There, next to the lake beneath the waterfall’s shadow was Obi-Wan. He was sitting cross-legged on the mossy shore and was hunched forward chatting with a small Togruta youngling seated similarly to his right. The three year-old’s montrals were a swirl of blue and white. The distinct white markings of her people already etched on her face.

Together they were using the force to stack small, smooth river stones one on top of another. The girl held out her right hand to add one stone to her stack and then Obi-Wan would do the same. In her left hand she was clutching Obi-Wan’s braid tightly. Her bright blue eyes following him intently as he moved.

A few turns later, Obi-Wan flashed a devilish grin at the girl and then lifted all the stones left in their pile making his tower instantly twice the size of hers. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in amazement as she looked at its new height, which was now well above her own.

The distraction made her short tower topple so the stones scattered around them. She looked at Obi-Wan accusingly and released her hold on his braid, crossing her arms in a huff. Obi-Wan’s smile widened and then he released his hold on the stack in front of him. They fluttered weightlessly back to the ground.

As Qui-Gon watched them he felt a pang in his heart. Master Yoda’s words echoed in his mind. _Shrouded in fear he is. Unclear his path has become._ But again, Qui-Gon could not feel it. He could only sense a peace in his padawan that he had not felt in a long time.

Obi-Wan seemed...happy.

Across the way on the shore of the lake Obi-Wan looked up and saw the Jedi masters watching them. He tapped the small girl on the shoulder and then pointed in their direction. “I do believe they require us.” The child frowned, but she stood up alongside him. He offered his hand and together they walked to where Plo Koon and Qui-Gon stood.

Obi-Wan bowed as he reached them. “Masters.” They both nodded in return.

“I see you have met Little ‘Soka,” Plo Koon said, the voice behind his mask betraying affection.

“Indeed I have, Master Koon.” Obi-Wan looked down at her and smiled. “We were learning how to use the force for balance. Isn’t that right, Ahsoka?”

“Masser Plo! Ovy made his rocks go higher than me!” Ahsoka said, releasing Obi-Wan’s hand. She raised her arm as high in the air as it could go to prove her point. “They went this high! Did you see?”

“Yes, I did, little one,” Plo Koon chuckled. “And Padawan Kenobi has been very kind to offer you his time today, but he must see to his own duties now.” The Kel Dor Jedi held out his hand to her. She dropped her head sadly, walked to him, and then took it in her own.

When she looked back up to Obi-Wan, she had tears in her eyes.

“I do believe you have made quite the impression today, padawan,” Qui-Gon said as he crouched down in front of Ahsoka. He smiled at her and then pulled the wrapped pastry out of the pocket of his robes, unwrapped it, and held it out to her.

Her face lit up. “For me??” she said excitedly.

“For you,” Qui-Gon answered.

She snatched the food from his hand and shoved it in her mouth all at once. Flakes of pastry fell onto her clothes as she chewed.

The three Jedi laughed.

“The Togruta are a voracious people...as I think you might already know, Master Jinn,” Plo Koon said. “And it seems some have forgotten their manners.” He nudged Ahsoka, her hand still in his.

“Fank you Misser Jinn,” she said, her mouth still full.

“You are welcome, Miss Ahsoka.” Qui-Gon stood again and then looked to Plo Koon. “Now we must let you go to attend to your exercises, Master Koon.”

“It was I who was delaying you.  May the force be with you both.” Plo Koon bowed and then turned back to the meadow of children, prodding Ahsoka along in front of him.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan bowed themselves and then turned to the exit.

They had not taken more than a few steps when they heard a high-pitched yelp from behind them. Turning back, they saw Ahsoka escape the Kel Dor’s grip and start running back towards them. She stopped in front of Obi-Wan and grabbed his hand. Reaching into the pocket of her tunic, she took out a small object, placed it in his hand, and closed his fingers around it. Then with the flash of one more smile she turned and ran back to Plo Koon.

Slowly Obi-Wan opened his hand to reveal the sudden gift. It was a flower. The center was a dark crimson which slowly faded to orange and then yellow as it moved outwards into the long, thin petals. It reminded Obi-Wan of a sunrise. It was beautiful.

Ahsoka must have been carrying this with her for some time. She had taken great care of it even though some of the petals were now missing. It clearly meant something to the girl, but she had given it to Obi-Wan anyway.

Obi-Wan closed his fingers loosely over the flower and gently placed it in the pocket of his tunic.

Qui-Gon watched Obi-Wan closely. His face had hardened again.

“The child will one day become an excellent padawan learner. I have no doubt of that,” Qui-Gon said.

“I believe you are right, Master,” Obi-Wan replied as he stepped once more in line with Qui-Gon as they headed towards the door. “Although, I would take a great deal of pity on her own master.”

“Why is that?”

“They would have to be equally as restless. I’m not sure I could keep up with her if it were me.”

Qui-Gon snorted a laugh. “Nor could I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to describe why the waterfall is important to all those who have not read the Jedi Apprentice books. I hope it makes sense...because you will be tested later.
> 
> Just kidding. 
> 
> Maybe.


	5. Nostra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Jedi travel to Nostra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long.

The Council requisitioned a small twin-piloted cruiser with a crimson hull for the Jedi’s trip to Nostra. Even though it was already several years old the vessel proved reliable and had more than enough room for their ministerial cargo in the passenger salon below.

Inside the cruiser’s cockpit, Obi-Wan had swiveled the pilot’s seat to the right and was sitting with one leg crossed over the other, the bottom of his right boot just touching the edge of the empty co-pilot’s chair. His brown robe spilled over the padded seat’s sides and puddled on the floor beneath.

Hyperspace swirled unnoticed through the viewport next to him as he flicked through the datapad in his lap. Another headache was brewing behind his eyes and the small print was beginning to exacerbate it. 

He laid the datapad down on the console and pinched the bridge of his nose. The lack of sleep and food was beginning to catch up with him. Meditation was also becoming increasingly difficult. If the headache continued, he would be forced to find the ship’s med kit. 

“—Wan.” 

Someone was calling his name.

“Obi-Wan.” 

A gentle tap on his right knee returned him to his surroundings. He dropped his hand from his face and looked up. 

Qui-Gon had ducked under the cockpit door and was standing just inside with one hand holding on to its frame. He was staring.

“Are you unwell?” he asked.

Obi-Wan uncrossed his legs and swiveled back towards the console. 

“It’s nothing, Master. Only a headache.” 

Qui-Gon crossed his arms. Obi-Wan could still feel the man’s gaze on the back of his head. 

“You look tired.”

“I  _ am _ tired,” Obi-Wan confirmed. Denying it would just make him look like a fool. It was all over his face. 

He began to fidget with the ship’s controls.

“You do not sleep,” Qui-Gon said concerned. “When did you last eat?” 

As a teenager, it seemed that his padawan could never get enough to fill him. Now, Qui-Gon rarely saw him eat or drink outside of their morning tea. And this morning he had not even seen that. 

Obi-Wan grabbed the datapad from where it sat on the console and held it up and over his shoulder for Qui-Gon. 

“I have finished reading through the information pertaining to this mission,” Obi-Wan said quickly changing the subject. “It is...lacking.” 

Qui-Gon sighed silently then took the pad from Obi-Wan’s hand and sat down in the co-pilot’s seat next to him.

“In what way?” he asked.

“An attempt has been made on the Prime Minister’s life twice yet there is no mention of who made these attempts. Furthermore, two members of her personal staff died during said attempts yet there is no mention of how.”

“And?” 

“And--” Obi-Wan stopped. 

“Just speak your mind, padawan.” 

Obi-Wan turned to look at his master. “And I have a bad feeling about this.” 

The side of Qui-Gon’s mouth curled into a brief smile. “I think I should be more surprised if you had had a  _ good  _ feeling.”

Obi-Wan sat back in his seat. “You mock me.” 

“No, Obi-Wan. I agree with you.” 

“Well.” Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “There’s a first time for everything, I suppose.”

“You are right to question the information given to us,” Qui-Gon continued. “But we must trust that any questions we have will be answered by Prime Minister Finis when we arrive. Center yourself on the here and now.” 

“I try, Master,” Obi-Wan said as his gaze turned inward. “But the living force does not reveal itself as readily to me as it does to you. My thoughts are often drawn elsewhere…further away. Can a Jedi not be mindful of both the present and the future at the same time?” 

“Of course, but it requires great care. Anxiety over the future leads to fear. And it is that fear that often shapes the very future you sought to avoid.” It was something that Qui-Gon knew from experience. It was a mistake he did not want to see his padawan repeat.

“I am not afraid,” Obi-Wan replied darkly. 

_ Shrouded in fear he is.  _

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and called upon the Force. He could still feel no immediate danger, but the uneasiness caused by Yoda’s earlier warning still hung over him. 

“Maybe not, but Obi-Wan, I must tell you--,” Qui-Gon began to say but he was cut off by an alert coming from the cruiser console. 

Obi-Wan pressed a series of buttons in front of him. “We have reached the Nostran System.” 

In an instant the elongated stars of hyperspace snapped back into place and a deep blue planet covered in swirls of thick, white clouds appeared outside the viewport before them. Two small moons orbited obliquely around the planet’s equator. Orderly lines of ships entered and exited its atmosphere in every direction. 

Qui-Gon entered the landing coordinates into the console as Obi-Wan took hold of the yoke resting just above his lap and regained manual control. 

As they closed in on the planet, Obi-Wan piloted the cruiser into one of the busy space lanes entering Nostra’s atmosphere. And after several minutes of trying not to collide with ships of all makes, colors, and sizes, the Jedi passed through the clouds into the sky over the planet’s capital city. 

The city was built into a deep valley between two snow-capped mountain ranges. Its reflective transparisteel buildings were bisected by a monorail running from one end to the other where two very large and very busy permacrete spaceports resided. 

The city was half-buried in snow even as more snow continued to blow wildly across the landscape.

Qui-Gon pointed out the right of the viewport. “You will find that the Minister has asked us to land in her personal hangar.”

Obi-Wan leaned forward to look where Qui-Gon had directed. “Subtle,” he scoffed. 

High up in the mountains on the city’s eastern side was a large fortress. Wider than it was tall, the multi-storied building was partially carved from rock while the rest was made from the same transparisteel as the city below. Two turrets rested on either end, no doubt casting all-seeing eyes on the space above and below them. 

The hangar beneath the fortress was carved entirely into the side of the mountain. As the Jedi approached, the shield protecting the its main gate lowered and a light on the far side summoned them to the cruiser’s assigned docking space.

Obi-Wan guided it in slowly, spinning it around so that the the ship’s bow pointed back to where they had just come. The landing gear lowered and the cruiser came to rest on the floor of the hangar. Obi-Wan lowered the starboard ramp. 

Qui-Gon stood first and then Obi-Wan. They both made their way through the cruiser and down the ramp.

A brisk, cold wind cut through the hangar suddenly making Obi-Wan pause at the bottom.  

Qui-Gon felt his padawan stop and turned back. Obi-Wan stood with his eyes closed, his robe billowing around him in the breeze. 

“I will never understand your preference for the winter months,” Qui-Gon said as he folded his arms into his own robe. 

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and began again towards Qui-Gon. “Do you ever feel as though one day it could be taken from you?”

It was not at all the answer Qui-Gon had been expecting. Coruscant had its own seasons and the Jedi traveled often. The notion of never experiencing something as simple as a cold breeze struck him as odd. 

But before he could respond a voice called from behind him. 

“Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn, I assume.”

It was a human man; tall with curly black hair and bright, copper eyes. He wore black from head to toe and stood unmoving until Qui-Gon approached. 

Qui-Gon bowed and motioned back to Obi-Wan. “And this is my padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi.” 

The man flicked his eyes to Obi-Wan and then back to Qui-Gon, his face unimpressed. Then he bowed in return as a formality. “The Prime Minister is expecting you.” 

Without further discussion he turned and headed towards the exit at the hangar’s far end.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan glanced at each other and then followed. 

_ A bad feeling indeed. _


	6. Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Jedi meet the Prime Minister.

After a seemingly endless ride in the turbolift and long walk through a maze of hallways, the still silent guide brought the Jedi to a halt in front of two large, durasteel doors. Activating a security panel to the side of the left-hand door, he pulled a security badge from his pocket and scanned it. A few seconds later the panel beeped and the inner mechanism of the doors clicked releasing the lock.

With one push both doors opened and the man sauntered into the room leaving Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan at the threshold.

Inside was a large office, wide but thin. The wall to the right was made entirely of exposed rock while the duracrete wall to the left was covered in all sorts of retired energy weapons ranging from blasters to a pair of crossed virbostaffs. The wall immediately behind the Prime Minister, who was standing before a large onyx desk scattered with flimis and datapads, was entirely transparisteel. The snowcapped mountains of the city’s western border reflected through the large window so that the day’s diffused light lit the entire room without aid. 

“Prime Minister, this is Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi.” The man turned and motioned for the Jedi to enter the room.

Qui-Gon entered first and then Obi-Wan only a few steps behind. Stopping simultaneously, they both bowed.

“The Jedi Council have received your request and are at your service, your Excellency,” Qui-Gon offered.

The prime minister was a human female roughly the same age as Qui-Gon. Her locks of thick, orange hair were coiled into a bun at the nape of her neck and her eyes were the same bright copper color as the man who had escorted the Jedi from the docking bay and now stood in the room with them. She wore a white bodysuit that she covered in a floor-length midnight blue coat that was overlaid almost completely with brocade.

She flicked her wrist in dismissal. “Thank you. You may leave now, Jura,” she said, her voice deep with a thick brogue.

Jura spun on his heels so quickly that he would have knocked Obi-Wan over had the Jedi not sensed the motion beforehand and angled of the way. The durasteel doors closed behind him.

“I apologize for my brother. He has forgotten all common decency…and sense. I don’t know why I keep him around,” the prime minister said and then bowed her head. “Welcome Maser Jinn and Jedi Kenobi. I knew a Kenobi once, but that was a long time ago now. No chance you would be related, I expect.”

Obi-Wan smiled. “I am sorry, but I would not know, your Excellency.”

“Pity. Please, have a seat.” She motioned to the chairs in front of them. The Jedi sat as she returned to her own chair.

“Officially my name is Her Excellency Altay Finis, Prime Minister of Nostra and All Its Domains, but a simple ‘Minister’ will do fine.”

Qui-Gon nodded.

Finis flashed a wide grin. “Good. Now I should not like to be guilty of wasting your time. Do you have any questions before we make our way back to Coruscant?”

“Several, Minister. First and foremost being why are we really here?” Qui-Gon said evenly. He stared at the woman behind the desk in front of him.

Obi-Wan’s eyebrow shot up and he turned quickly towards Qui-Gon. “ _ Master _ ,” he said rebuking him.

The minister held up a hand. “No no no, it’s all right.” She leaned forward, rested her elbows on the desk, and clasped her hands. “The Jedi are indeed as wise as the stories say. I would ask for nothing less from those sent to protect me.”

“Pardon me, but I feel as previous Counsellor War and veteran of the Nostran militia you would neither want nor require a Jedi or any other form of protection for such an errand.” Qui-Gon gestured to the wall of weapons.

“Those weapons are purely ornamental, I assure you,” Finis said. “But I take your meaning, Master Jinn.”

Obi-Wan leaned forward and rested one arm on his knee. “The Council will not take kindly to being misled, Minister. The information you provided was purposefully incomplete,” he said sternly but softly. “We would ask that you answer our questions as much for your safety as our own.”

The minister’s eyes hardened briefly before she smiled again. “Of course. I did not mean to mislead your Council, only to control the amount of information my own office was privy to. You see, filing an official request for Jedi assistance is a very public request.”

“You no longer trust your own office,” Qui-Gon stated.

“I think it would be easier if I were to start from the beginning. If you do not understand my need for discretion when we are done then you may, by all means, ask your questions.”

The Jedi nodded.

“As you know, I was visited by Viceroy Gunray not long ago. Pompous fish of a man. Wanted to bully his precious Trade Federation into our business and buy all of our lommite mines outright so they could be stripped and the ore shipped off-world.”

“To what end?”

“We are very proud of our tranparisteel and permaglass production here on Nostra. As you can see.” She pointed at the window behind her with her thumb. “The sale of it alone brings in more than half of Nostra’s income. But what makes it truly special is the addition of our lommite, as the ore, when properly refined, makes the glass nearly impenetrable. Blaster-proof, if you please.”

Qui-Gon considered this for a moment. “You suggest that the Viceroy wants the ore to create weapons?”

“I am suggesting that the amount of ore in our mines would be able to outfit an armada. That is why I refused the Viceroy. Such action would not only bankrupt my home, but I will not be responsible for aiding the Trade Federation in blasting a hole through the Republic.”

“If that is the case, Minister, then Chancellor Valorum should be informed immediately.”

“I agree, Jedi Kenobi. But recent events have become an impediment.”

“The assassination attempts?”

Finis nodded. “This information needs to make it to Senator Pyrra so he can inform the Chancellor, but the moment the culprit employed by Gunray to carry out these attacks realizes what my meeting with the Senator is regarding it will be more important than ever to silence me. So the purpose of the trip is two-fold.”

“You also want to draw them out.” Qui-Gon shook his head.  “It is very dangerous to use yourself as bait like this. I cannot condone this action.” 

“Master Jedi, this cannot go on. I can no longer trust my own people. And even though I have survived two attempts on my life, I am not so proud as to assume my good fortune will continue.”

“It was two of your own staff who were killed protecting you, was it not?” Obi-Wan asked. “No further information was provided on the subject.”

The minister’s face fell. “They were not protecting me. They  _ were  _ the attackers, Jedi Kenobi.”

Master and padawan spoke at the same time.

“What?”

“Excuse me?”

“Now you may understand my discretion.” She steepled her fingers in thought. “Yes, two members of my staff, whom I would have previously trusted with my life, attempted to take it. It was a very sad business. Very sad indeed.”

“The Federation is powerful and they have very deep pockets. It would not be a reflection on you that they accepted such bribes.” 

“No. My people gained nothing from this. After the first attack was thwarted and the staffer apprehended it became clear quickly that something was not right. When questioned by my guards they refused to believe what they done. As if it had not been their actions, but someone else’s.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Qui-Gon said leaning forward.

“They had been coerced against their will, Master Jinn. And for that they paid a terrible price. Soon after the first attacker was questioned, their health deteriorated quickly. Their mind seemed to fracture from the guilt and then the rest of them followed.” The minister sighed heavily. “There was nothing we could do to ease their passing.”

“And what of the second attacker?” Obi-Wan asked solemnly.

Finis cleared her throat, her bright eyes darkened in sorrow. “I refused to watch anyone else suffer because of me…so I shot them where they stood.”

Obi-Wan sat back in his chair. The room was quiet.

“The Nemoidians are indeed adept at creating new toxins and poisons to suit their needs. This is most troubling.” Qui-Gon finally said, breaking the silence. “Have you found a cure yet?”

She picked up a datapad on her desk and tossed it to the edge of the desk in front of Qui-Gon. He reached out and took it. 

“All too late, I’m afraid. It seems that it can be neutralized by a plant or root or tree or something else of the sort...I don’t know. That is all rather above me. But, of course, whatever it is is rare and cannot be found here so the chance of our creating an antidote is slim to none. I give you this in hopes that the Jedi may have a longer reach in procuring such things.” 

“Thank you, Minister. We will certainly pass the information along.” Qui-Gon slid the datapad into his robes. “I would now like to make sure I understand you clearly. You requested an escort to Coruscant because such an accusation against the Trade Federation would have to be made to the Senate in person. And the real agent behind these attacks will be forced to stop you despite the fact that it might expose him.”

“More or less, but truly I called upon the Jedi to bring this information to the Senate for me should I not survive. There is no one I would trust more with the task than you.”

“And should none of us survive, what then?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“Then the Republic would launch an investigation. And such intervention would force Gunray to retreat and look elsewhere for his precious ore once and for all.” She leaned back in her chair as if suddenly deflated. “But I will admit that I hope it does not come to that. I had hopes that the mere presence of a Jedi would deter such a villain from trying again.”

“Time will tell if that is the case.”

“Quite. I offer my deepest apologies to you both,” she said quietly. “You did not belong.” 

**_You did not belong._ **

The voice from his dream echoed through Obi-Wan’s mind. 

Finis watched the blood drain from Obi-Wan’s face. 

“No offense was meant, Jedi Kenobi. I only meant that it is unfortunate that you should be here at all. If there was any other way, I would have gladly taken it.” 

Qui-Gon regarded his padawan. 

Obi-Wan shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. “No offense was taken, Minister.”

“Good.” Finis suddenly stood, offering a finality to the somber discussion. “Our flight plan has been filed and I suggest that we do not delay the inevitable any longer. One way or another we must all do our duty for the Republic.”

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood.

The same warning that he had felt in the Council chambers with Yoda stirred within Qui-Gon once more. 

“As you say, Minister.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a note in my rough outline for this fic that the prime minister once knew a Kenobi. When or why I wrote that down, I don't know. But far be it from me to second-guess myself. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!


	7. The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change of plans.

After entering Coruscant’s atmosphere Obi-Wan piloted the cruiser into the public lane of traffic heading directly into the ecumenopolis’ Senate sector. The curved buttresses of 500 Republica gleamed in the distance, slowly drifting closer. Just beyond that were the Senate office buildings and then the Senate itself. 

He was happy to be home, but the bad feeling lingered. In fact, it had only gotten worse. The feeling was now so strong that he wanted nothing more than to turn back towards the safety of the Jedi temple. Surely Yoda had felt it, too, and would know what to do.  

But, instead, he stayed his course. 

Qui-Gon entered the cockpit and stood behind the pilot’s seat.  

“The Prime Minister has requested that we drop her off before we reach the Senate so she can take a public transport shuttle the rest of the way,” Qui-Gon said, his voice grim. 

Obi-Wan kept his eyes glued to the traffic ahead of him. 

“But, Master, surely she knows that we are being followed.” 

“Followed - not necessarily. But that does not mean that they do not know where we are going. She is convinced they would have intercepted the flight plan she filed and will be waiting for us when we land. Thus, she will be safe to finish the journey on foot.”

Obi-Wan thought for a moment. “And if we do not arrive at the docking bay then they will most certainly come looking for her. It will not be difficult to narrow down the path she would take to the Senator’s office.”

“Then we will also arrive as scheduled.”

“But surely we cannot leave her to travel alone!”

Qui-Gon hesitated. “ _ We _ will not,” he said heavily. “You will go with her. And I will continue on as planned.”

“Master, I don’t think-,” Obi-Wan began.

Qui-Gon continued. “None of this is a good idea, Obi-Wan. I feel the same disturbance as you, but we must focus. And we must trust the Prime Minister that the greater threat will be with the ship.” He placed a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I will buy you both some time.” 

“Then I will see to it that she makes it to the Senate in safety.” 

Qui-Gon patted Obi-Wan’s shoulder once then removed his hand. “I never doubted it for a moment.”

A small, sad smile appeared in Obi-Wan’s lips, disappearing as quickly as it came.  

Finis appeared in the cockpit doorway behind Qui-Gon. “We are nearing the last shuttle stop before the end of the line, Master Jinn. I will leave the ship as quickly as I can so that you may return to your Jedi Temple and relay to your Council all that I have told you today.” 

Qui-Gon turned. “I’m afraid not, Minister. Obi-Wan will be escorting you while I pilot the ship to the docking bay.” 

“Master Jinn, I will endanger you both no further! I will visit Pyrra alone. Our chances are greater if we split up. Valorum must be informed.” 

“I agree. And we will ensure it is you that informs him. You and Obi-Wan will enter and exit the shuttle as quickly as possible and follow the thickest crowds on foot. I will stick to the original flight plan.” He turned back to Obi-Wan who was still weaving his way through the heavy Coruscant traffic. “Comm me immediately when you have delivered the Prime Minister.”

“Yes, Master.”

Finis crossed her arms. “I do not approve.”

“You do not have to,” Qui-Gon said firmly. 

Obi-Wan landed the cruiser as close to the stop as possible. After lowering the ramp, he stood and followed Qui-Gon and Finis back through the ship. Finis exited down the ramp first and headed directly toward the shuttle currently waiting at the stop. It was leaving soon and she intended to be on it. 

Obi-Wan made it halfway down the ramp before turning back to Qui-Gon who remained at the top.

“Master…” Suddenly Obi-Wan was unable to move as the urge to tell Qui-Gon everything about his dreams struck him like a blow to the chest. The voices. The headaches. The fear. Everything he had locked inside himself for years…

But he couldn’t. 

“May the Force be with you,” he said simply. 

Qui-Gon smiled and then gestured behind Obi-Wan with his chin. “I believe you should get going before she leaves without either of us.”

Obi-Wan turned to see Finis’ orange hair disappear into the shuttle. He jogged after her, sliding into the transport just before its doors shut for good.

Qui-Gon watched the crowded shuttle lift off and disappear into the nearest flow of traffic, then returned to the cockpit and raised the ramp. 

“May the Force be with you, Obi-Wan.” 

______________________

Just before the shuttle landed, Obi-Wan stood and removed his robe.

“I ask that you put this on before we exit, Minister,” he said handing the robe to the woman next to him. 

“As I informed your master, they will not be following me here. That is why I insisted I come alone,” Finis protested. 

“If they are not following you, then my robe will do you no harm, will it?” Obi-Wan answered with all the charm he could muster. 

Her copper eyes darkened as she glared at him. She snatched the robe from his hand.

“Thank you,” he said with a smile. 

When the shuttle finally came to a halt, Finis stood alongside Obi-Wan, threw the robe around her shoulders, and pulled the hood over her head to cover the top of her face.  

Obi-Wan reached out with the force as the doors opened. Everything was dark and muddled.

His heart sunk.

Grabbing hold of the minister’s elbow, he led her out of the shuttle with the rest of the passengers. “Stay close to me. Walk quickly, but remain in the middle of the crowd.” 

Two Ithorians clearly late for a meeting began a brisk walk towards the pedestrian bridge that connected the shuttle platform to the Senate office building. 

Obi-Wan nudged Finis. “There. We follow them.” 

The pedestrian bridge was the topmost bridge of its kind leading into the office complex. Directly below it were at least fifty more of the same length and build, connecting the Senate sector to its neighboring buildings underground. Though ‘underground’ on Coruscant was still well above the planet's true surface. 

When they were about three-fourths of the way across, Obi-Wan suddenly stopped and pulled Finis over to the bridge’s ferrocrete barrier. His eyes darted back and forth across the flow of beings passing by. 

“What is it? Kenobi, what’s wrong?” Finis whispered, concerned by his sudden change. 

“Someone is here that shouldn’t be.”

“How could you possibly know that??” she said as she reached into her cloak beneath Obi-Wan’s robe. 

“I took note of everyone already on the bridge and everyone on the shuttle. Since another shuttle has not landed yet there should be no one new-” He noticed Finis fidgeting beside him. “What are you doing?” 

She pulled a small military-grade blaster out for Obi-Wan to see but kept it low. 

“Where were you were hiding that?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“You may ask,” she said with a smirk.

“I hope that’s not one of your ‘ornamental’ ones.” He pushed it back down beneath the robe. “Do not use it until you’re absolutely sure you have a shot.”

“You have my word.”

“There are too many-”

Suddenly a dark figure across the bridge and through the crowd caught Obi-Wan’s eye. It was humanoid, wearing a black bodysuit of woven armor. A round helmet covered its head with an opaque dark blue visor covering its face. A weapon was attached to each of its hips. 

The Force sent Obi-Wan a warning mere seconds before the figure pulled the weapon on its left hip.

Conjuring the Force around him, he extended his arms outward and pushed so that everyone near him, including Finis, was shoved backwards leaving a clear ten-foot radius. 

The weapon fired a metal canister across the bridge that landed in the newly-empty space just in front of where the Jedi stood. Obi-Wan pivoted to the left to lunge for the minister when the canister exploded. 

The concussion grenade threw Obi-Wan violently backwards into the barrier, the left side of his rib cage slamming squarely into the railing. Pain erupted in his right ear.

The screams of the crowd were suddenly muffled around him. It felt - and sounded - like he was drowning.

“--nobi! Ar--yo---ight??”

When he looked up from where he had crumpled on the ground he saw Finis kneeling several feet away in front of him, hood down with her orange hair now escaping from the tight bun at her neck. Her blaster was in her hand and was pointed at the figure in black. She fired. 

“Ke--------ave to----up!”

She fired again. And again.

He tilted his head to the right.

“You have to get up. Please!” There was desperation in her voice.

Every breath was like fire. The pain in his head was excruciating. But he knew he had to stand. 

So he ignited his lightsaber and he stood.

While much of the crowd had panicked and fled in opposite directions, several remained frozen on either side of the expanse Obi-Wan had helped create. The assassin was now standing directly across the bridge holding one of the pedestrians in front of them as a shield, a blaster pointed at their temple. 

Obi-Wan positioned himself directly in front of Finis.

“You stay behind me no matter what until I draw them away. Then you run to Pyrra without looking back.” He took his comlink out of his pocket and handed it back to her over his shoulder. “Contact Qui-Gon as soon as you are safe and tell him what happened here, do you understand me?”

She took the comlink without taking her eyes off the glowing sapphire blade now being held defensively in front of them both. 

“How are you going to draw them away??”

“We will soon find out.”

Obi-Wan took a step forward as the figure in black fired. The bolt was parried harmlessly into the ground below. 

Obi-Wan took another few steps forward. The figure fired. Obi-Wan parried.

Another step. Another shot. Another parry. 

Then Obi-Wan began to run.

Panicked, the assassin threw down its human shield and backed up as far as it could go, firing non-stop directly at the charging Jedi. 

As he continued to parry, Obi-Wan removed the grappling hook from his belt and used the Force to guide it to the railing where it looped around and attached itself. 

When he reached the figure, he sliced through its blaster, extinguished his saber, and threw his arms around them all right before they both toppled over the bridge’s side. 

 

 

Eyes wide in horror, Finis could only watch as Obi-Wan collided into the black figure so hard that its helmet flew off. And in the split second before they both fell out of sight she recognized the man previously hidden beneath it.  

Running to the edge, she climbed up the railing and looked over the side to see the two men swinging from the Jedi’s grappling hook briefly before letting go and falling to the bridge below.  

Finis climbed back down and ran as fast as she could to the doors of the Senate office building. 

“Get out of the way!” she screamed at the fleeing crowd as she headed to a turbolift. 

The turbolift doors were about to close when she slid into the car and hit the stop button on the control panel. 

Reopening the turbolift doors, she flicked her blaster at the five terrified passengers in the car. 

“I’m sorry. You can take the next one. Everybody out.” 

For that she received a curse in five different languages. But they all exited and that was all that mattered. 

Closing the turbolift doors she punched the down button.

“Sorry, Kenobi. Pyrra is going to have to wait a little longer,” she whispered to herself. Then she activated the comlink.

“Master Jinn! Come in!”

No reply. 

“Qui-Gon Jinn!  _ Please _ come in!”  

There was another brief silence before she finally heard the Jedi’s deep voice strained with worry. 

“Minister, I am already on my way back. Where are you now?” 

“I am in the turbolift heading down to the second-level bridge. Kenobi is-“

“I know,” Qui-Gon cut her off curtly. “Stay inside the building. Do  **_not_ ** go out on that bridge.”

Finis’ jaw clenched. 

“ _ Minister _ .” 

The turbolift stopped and the doors opened. 

“I’m sorry,” she said before deactivating the comlink and stepping onto the bridge.

 

 

As they fell, Obi-Wan became aware that he could now see the face of the man in front of him. 

The black hair. The copper eyes. 

Jura Finis had come to Coruscant to ensure the death of his sister.

Obi-Wan let go of the man and closed his grip around the grappling cord so that he came to an abrupt halt. But instead of continuing to fall to the bridge below, Jura grabbed the Jedi’s left ankle.

The sudden jarring motion to his wounded side caused Obi-Wan to cry out and lose his grip on the cord. 

Thirty feet below, the second-level bridge broke their fall. 

Jura landed awkwardly with his knees locked. He screamed in pain as he pitched to the side grabbing his leg.

Obi-Wan cushioned the landing as much as he could with Force and then rolled back into a standing position. The movement tugged at his ribs and made his head spin so badly that his vision tunneled. He braced himself on his knees and took deep breaths until the world around him reoriented. 

Jura began slowly crawling on his stomach towards the edge of the bridge, one or both of his legs now broken.

Obi-Wan reignited his lightsaber and stalked over to the wounded man. With his left hand he lifted Jura by the back of his collar, spun him around, and shoved him roughly against the bridge’s barrier. 

Unable to remain standing, Jura slid back down to the ground gasping in pain. 

Obi-Wan stood above him holding his lightsaber at his side. He tilted his head. 

“What did the Trade Federation promise you, Jura? And was it worth it to betray your own sister? Your own people?” 

Jura laughed. “My sister is weak. The Viceroy offered me nothing more than what he offered Altay, only I was smart enough to accept his gift.” 

“And what was that?” 

“Freedom.” 

“Nostra is not under any foreign rule.” 

“Freedom from the Republic.”

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow and shook his head. “You would start a war!” 

“You don’t see it, Jedi, because you are but a pawn. But one day you will. One day soon you will have no choice,” Jura said stabbing the air angrily. 

Before Obi-Wan could respond, Jura turned his head to see the doors to the turbolift open and his sister step out. 

Following Jura’s gaze, Obi-Wan turned to see Finis running towards them with her blaster trained on her brother. 

“Ken---ba---away!” 

She was screaming something but the Jedi could not hear it.

“-----back!”

Suddenly Obi-Wan felt a sharp pain in his left thigh. He looked down to see Jura staring back at him. In Jura’s right hand was a small hypospray, now empty.

“I lied. You may not see it after all,” Jura said with a smirk. 

He pulled the needle out of Obi-Wan’s leg and tossed it behind him over the edge of the bridge where it fell without end. 

A sudden blaster shot hitting Jura soundlessly in the chest caused Obi-Wan to flinch.

But he couldn’t look to its source. He couldn’t look away from the man in front of him. 

Obi-Wan watched the hate in the man’s copper eyes fade before they flashed vividly once and then dimmed for good. 

The sapphire blade in Obi-Wan’s hand extinguished then slipped from his grip and fell to the ground.

There the Jedi stood frozen above Jura’s lifeless body listening to nothing but the sound of his own gasping breaths. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go...


	8. Hemorrhage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon returns to find Obi-Wan.

**_He will always find another._ **

**_Someone better._ **

**_Someone more worthy._ **

**_You disappoint him._ **

**_And he will leave you._ **

**_Just as he left me, Obi-_ **

 

“-Wan.” Someone was calling his name from far away. The voice came and went like a faulty holo transmission. “Obi-Wan.”

Awareness was slowly returning.

“How long has he been like this?”

He was seated on the ground, but had no memory of sitting down.

“Since my brother poisoned him.”

His knees were drawn up against his chest. His arms were wrapped tightly around his sides. 

“Are you certain it was the same?”

He felt like he was being held down.

“I am certain.”

No, not held down.

“Obi-Wan.” The voice came louder, more abrupt. The sound struck his eardrum and caused him to wince.

Slowly he opened one eye at a time.

Qui-Gon was crouching next to Obi-Wan with a hand resting on his shoulder. Finis stood directly behind him, a brown Jedi robe neatly folded and hanging over her arm. She was clutching Obi-Wan’s lightsaber. 

They were both staring.

“Master,” Obi-Wan slurred as he unfolded his arms and turned on his hip. He braced himself to stand.

Finis stepped forward nervously. “I really don’t think he should be standing, Master Jinn.”

“No. And he knows that, but he will stand nonetheless.” Qui-Gon moved his hand from Obi-Wan’s shoulder to his elbow and helped pull him upwards. “Stubborn to a fault, my padawan.”

“I’m not completely deaf, you know.”

The world spun around Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon’s grip tightened to keep him from returning to the ground.

“I know,” Qui-Gon said.

Qui-Gon turned to Finis. “Minister, if you wouldn't mind finding us a ride back to the temple.”

Her eyes flicked between the two Jedi. Qui-Gon needed to speak with his padawan alone.

“Of course,” she said before wandering off in the direction of the Coruscant security forces now occupying the bridge.

“Master, we can't go back until she's spoken to the Senator.”

Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan. His blue eyes were bright and glassy. His face was pallid and dotted with sweat. Blood had trickled out of his right ear and down his neck, braid, and tunic. Every breath rattled.

But he would continue on if it was required of him to do so.

_ Stubborn. _

“Obi-Wan, do you remember what happened?” Qui-Gon asked softly. 

Obi-Wan nodded. 

“Do you  _ understand _ what happened?”

Obi-Wan looked down at his hands. “Yes.” 

“This is not the end. The healers will find a way-”

“There is no way. Jura was convinced of that.”

“And you would trust the words of a liar and a murderer?”

“It was my fault that-” 

Qui-Gon gently lifted Obi-Wan’s chin so he could look him in the eye. 

“Nothing today has been your fault, Obi-Wan.”

“I could not sense his presence until it was too late! The Minister could have died because of me. She should not have had to…” Obi-Wan swallowed nervously. “…do what she did. You trusted me to protect her and I could not.” 

Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan becoming agitated. His shields were collapsing and hastily being rebuilt. 

“You have seen for yourself that she is still alive and well. What failure is there in that? And do you think that she took the life of her own brother lightly? She grieves for him even now, but she knows that she has done what is necessary. Jura made his own choice, Obi-Wan. And it does not reflect upon you.”

Obi-Wan’s distant gaze fell once again to his hands.

A sudden sadness washed over Qui-Gon through their bond. In front of him now he could see the twelve-year-old boy who had all but begged Qui-Gon to train him so that he did not have to be sent away to the AgriCorps. His spirit was broken. 

“He said…He said that Gunray offered Nostra freedom from the Republic.”

“Freedom?”

“The Trade Federation will bring war, Master. I can feel it. You must inform the Council when I am-” Suddenly Obi-Wan doubled over in a coughing fit. Every cough and every gasp wreaking havoc on his injured ribs. 

“That’s enough. We will stay here no longer.” Qui-Gon glanced down the bridge to where Finis stood still speaking with a police officer. The body of her brother was now prone and covered in a blanket at her feet. 

“Minister!” Qui-Gon called to her.

She turned back to the Jedi and saw Obi-Wan bent over trying to catch his breath. She ran to them.

“Minister, we are ready to leave. Have you made arrangements?” Qui-Gon’s voice was strained with urgency. 

Finis’ eyes were fixed on Obi-Wan. “Yes…yes. Officer Tarall will return you to the temple as soon as you require.”

“We require it now. We can send another Jedi back to escort you to Senator Pyrra.”

“No, Master Jinn. It is over. The Jedi have done enough…more than enough.” Her copper eyes dimmed with sadness. “Please follow me.” 

3 police speeders and 2 speeder bikes blocked the entrance to the bridge from the opposite side of the office building. Their flashing blue and reds lights illuminated the falling darkness around them as Coruscant’s sun began to set. 

Finis led them to the second of the speeders. Obi-Wan made his own way slowly behind her. Qui-Gon walked closely behind him. 

Finis offered her hand to Obi-Wan as he came alongside the speeder. 

“I can manage, thank you,” he said in refusal. 

“Please.”

He took her hand and she helped him lower himself into back seat of the speeder. 

She laid the folded brown robe and lightsaber in his lap. “No words would ever be enough, Jedi Kenobi, but I ask that you would accept my sincerest gratitude for all that you have done for me and my people here today.” 

He smiled at her. “I wish you well, Minister.” 

She bowed her head to him. “And I you.”

She turned back to Qui-Gon and placed a hand on his arm to guide him away from the speeder.

“A word, if you please.”

“Quickly.” 

“How did you know?” she asked. 

“How did I know what?” 

“When I called you on the comlink you were already on your way back to us. How did you know?” 

“Minister, that is not something that can be explained quickly,” Qui-Gon answered, frustration growing. 

“I beg you.” 

Qui-Gon sighed. “The Force allows the Jedi to bind themselves to one another. Over many years such a bond can strengthen, especially between master and padawan. In my case, I am bonded to Obi-Wan. It is through this connection that I knew he would require my aid.” 

Finis considered this. “And if the master or padawan should ever…pass…while connected?” 

The question made Qui-Gon frown. He remembered the feeling well having still been connected, at least in some small way, to Xanatos upon his death. “The very cord of that bond would break and the connection would be severed. I would liken it to the hemorrhaging of an internal wound. Each Jedi responds differently to such a wound. Some never truly heal.”

Finis nodded softly and removed her hand from his arm. Her eyes turned red as she tried to hold back tears. “Then I am truly sorry.”

Qui-Gon bowed his head and walked past her to the speeder. He jumped into the back seat next to Obi-Wan. 

Officer Tarall had since made his way over and was also ready to go. “To the temple, Master Jedi?” 

“As fast as you can.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so short. I hope to get to the next one soon.


	9. The Healer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon tries to visit Obi-Wan in the halls of healing.

Ever wary of the Jedi’s fragile relationship with the Senate, Mace Windu had insisted that the Council be debriefed immediately when Qui-Gon returned due to the possible political repercussions.

That was five hours ago.

Qui-Gon had barely been able to guide his padawan to the halls of healing before the request had come through to join Yoda and Mace in the Council chambers. Mace had then thoroughly vetted the Jedi about the Trade Federation’s dealings with Nostra from behind templed fingers while Yoda had sat quietly, hands planted firmly on his gimer stick.

Yoda’s face betrayed nothing, but Qui-Gon knew that the wizened Jedi disapproved of everything being said. The only time he spoke was to ask Qui-Gon about Obi-Wan’s health. Both Council members then offered Qui-Gon their condolences but reminded him that it was an honor to become one with the living Force.

Qui-Gon knew he should have agreed, but today the thought made him sick.

When finally allowed to return to the halls of healing he was immediately met outside the inner doors to the healing ward by the young Twi’lek healer to whom he had given over Obi-Wan’s care. Even though still only an apprentice, Vokara Che was a skilled healer and a fierce protector of the sick within her walls. Rumor had it that she would kick out any Jedi from youngling to Yoda that she deemed detrimental to the care of her patients. And it was a rumor that Qui-Gon was about to test.

“Ah, Qui-Gon. I should like to speak with you.”

“May we speak while I see my padawan?” Qui-Gon asked as he moved to pass her.

“No,” she said holding up a hand to halt him.

“Excuse me?”

“No, you may not see your padawan.”

Qui-Gon stiffened his back and crossed his arms. His worry and frustration made his temper rise. “And why is that?”

“I have only just been able to guide him into a healing trance. You would do well not to wake him up.”

“Then I will not wake him up, but I should still like to see him nonetheless.”

“No,” Vokara repeated more firmly. “You will allow me to update you on his condition and be satisfied.”

“That would hardly be sufficient, but please by all means,” Qui-Gon said waving his hand in front of him. “Continue.”

Vokara ignored his snide remark. “Thank you. My master and I have already begun to mend his ruptured eardrum, broken ribs, and the bruising around his lungs, but his exhaustion and near-malnutrition have put him at a severe disadvantage for him to be able to help himself. On top of that, the poison he was dosed with is attempting to undo whatever work we have done. The healing trance is the only thing that may be able to slow it down.”

The diagnosis stunned Qui-Gon. Exhaustion and malnutrition? If Obi-Wan had been standing here right now he would have said he was fine.

Obi-Wan was always fine.

“And have you had any luck with a cure?”

“The datapad you provided us from the Prime Minister has been extremely helpful, but the fact remains that the main component of such an antidote is extremely difficult to come by. Or at the very least to come by quickly.”

“I will leave now if I must. Just tell me what you need.”

“The flower is only found on planets like Shili that lie deep within the expansion region. Even if all hyper lanes were clear and you somehow managed to _not_ run afoul of pirates, the journey there and back would take you the better part of two days.” Vokara’s voice softened. “That being said, I am not questioning your resolve or ability to overcome every disadvantage, Qui-Gon. I am telling you this because by the time you returned it will have been too late.”

“You do not think he has two days.”

Vokara shook her head. “But that does not mean we will stop looking. Another antidote may still exist within our vault. Even now my master has gone to speak with Madame Jocasta. I am sorry.”

Qui-Gon was very tired of everyone offering him their pity today. His mind was racing in a search for other options.

“You said the healing trance would give him more time.”

“I said it was _possible_ , but-”

“But what?”

“But he is fighting it.”

“What do you mean he’s fighting it?”

“I mean that he refuses to allow his mind to rest. When the mind does not rest, the body cannot fully give itself over to the Force for healing.”

“Why would he do this?”

“You are his master. Is it unlike him to be this obstinate?”

Qui-Gon’s face hardened as he remembered his conversation with Yoda. _He hides from things from me. And ask him why that is, have you?_

The Twi’lek healer watched his gaze turn inward.

“Wait here a moment until I return,” she said.

Fighting the urge to run through the doors to the healing ward before Vokara Che returned, Qui-Gon instead decided to reach through his bond to Obi-Wan.

Instantly he could feel the Force around Obi-Wan waning. His mental shields were now almost completely gone. Qui-Gon found himself buffeted by emotions that he had not felt from his padawan in years. Peace was replaced by struggle, fortitude by fear...

Obi-Wan wasn’t fighting the trance or Vokara Che. He was fighting himself.

Overwhelmed and overcome, Qui-Gon closed the connection.

Vokara had returned and was standing in front of him. She held Obi-Wan’s clothing and boots in her hands.

“Are you alright?” she asked suspiciously.

Qui-Gon cleared the lump from his throat. “Yes.”

“Good. Because I would hate for you to have ignored everything I just said and done something foolish to agitate my patient.”

“I will take those,” he said ignoring Vokara and reaching to the items in her hands. Her eyes narrowed as she released them.

“Go get some sleep, Master Jinn. If I find that the trance is working, I will allow you to visit with Obi-Wan in the morning.”

“And if it is not?”

“We shall see.”

Without another word, Qui-Gon begrudgingly turned and left the halls.

Vokara watched him go then returned to Obi-Wan’s bedside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to break up an exceedingly long chapter so you get half today and half tomorrow. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	10. Old Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan dreams and Qui-Gon is forced to watch.

When he returned to his quarters, Qui-Gon set Obi-Wan’s personal effects down on the couch next to the robe and lightsaber that had been hastily discarded earlier on his way to meet with the Council.

And there they would remain until Obi-Wan returned to claim them himself. Qui-Gon refused to believe otherwise.

Concentrating on the ebb and flow of the living Force around him, Qui-Gon could feel the same uncertainty that Yoda must have felt earlier, but he could not feel death. That he was certain of. There was still something to be done...something he could do...but he did not know what it was.

Only after Tahl’s death had he felt so helpless, so lost, but Obi-Wan had been there to support him. It was his padawan’s stubborn refusal to allow him to wallow in his grief that had kept him from following his anger and hatred into the dark. Only a boy at the time, Obi-Wan had carried the grief and failures of his master when they should not have been his burden to bear. 

Turning back to the small kitchen area, Qui-Gon noticed that the tea tray was still on the counter where it had been forgotten yesterday morning.

Setting his comlink down, he wrapped a large hand around the small pot.  _ Cold. Of course. _ Then he picked up the flimsi next to it and reread the short note:  _ “My apologies for not joining you.” _

He gently ran his thumb over the words. The handwriting was meticulous. Though the art of writing with pen and ink had long been overlooked thanks to the convenience of datapads and holo messages, Obi-Wan had acquired a script that could rival even the most skilled calligrapher. Qui-Gon allowed himself a brief swell of pride to ease his sorrow.

Picking up the tray, he walked it over to the sink and began to pour out the tea. As he poured, crumbs left over from the morning pastry caught his eye.

The morning pastry he had not eaten. The morning pastry he had given away.

Vokara’s words repeated in his head.  _ “The flower is only found on planets like Shili that lie deep within the expansion region.” _

Planets like Shili that lie deep within the expansion region.

The expansion region.

Shili.

Shili was a Togruta planet.

The youngling in the room of fountains had been Togruta.

The Togruta youngling had given Obi-Wan a flower.

“Impossible,” Qui-Gon said aloud, almost dropping the teapot. “That’s impossible.”

Running back over to the couch, Qui-Gon knelt in front of the stack of clothes. Grabbing Obi-Wan’s tunic, he reached deep into one of the pockets. Empty. Turning the tunic over, he tried another. There. He felt it. Something both coarse and soft at the same time.

Qui-Gon curled his fingers around the flower and pulled it from the tunic pocket.

“This is not the end, Obi-Wan. This is not-”

A sudden pain struck Qui-Gon like a tidal wave. A pain so intense that he dropped the flower and had to grip the couch tightly to steady himself. His vision blurred and then tunneled until the room around him disappeared in a swirl of darkness.

He could feel himself falling for only a moment and before all sensation ceased. The pain slowly receded like a wave into the ocean.

When his sight returned the couch was gone. The flower was gone. His living quarters were gone. Everything he had known was gone and replaced by a void. He found himself standing amidst a vast expanse of darkness. Each direction he turned darker than the last.

But he was not alone. Someone else waited in the darkness with him lurking just beyond his view. Someone or something…elusive.

Turning back around he could see a solitary figure surrounded in light, holding the darkness at bay. 

It was Obi-Wan.

Qui-Gon could see him clearly now. On his knees in what seemed to be a meditative state, he had his eyes closed and his hands folded neatly in his lap. To anyone else the Jedi would have seemed at peace, but Qui-Gon knew the calm was a well-worn mask. The air was filled with a suffocating fear.

“Obi-Wan!” Qui-Gon called out as he tried to take a step forward. But Obi-Wan did not hear him and he could not move.

Before he could shout again, Qui-Gon watched as the figure of a young boy appeared just behind Obi-Wan. He could not have been more than twelve or thirteen. His eyes were the color of kyber. His hair was pure white.

“Oafy-Waaaaaan,” the boy sang tauntingly as he walked around to face the Jedi. “Open your eyes and look at me, Oafy. Or are you scared?”

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and stared defiantly at the boy. “You do not scare me, Bruck. You never have.”

_ Bruck? Bruck Chun? _ A terrible realization came over Qui-Gon. For some reason the Force had connected him to Obi-Wan while the young man dreamt…or while he suffered through a nightmare. Qui-Gon did not want to find out which. 

“Obi-Wan, wake up! You must wake up!” Qui-Gon shouted, but Obi-Wan still did not respond.

“Do you remember when no one wanted you as an apprentice, Oafy? Do you remember when they shipped you off to talk to plants?” Bruck laughed bitterly. “That was wonderful...while it lasted.”

“You did your best to ensure such a course, Bruck, but I believe it was you who could not find a master.”

“Better than groveling to one as you did.” Bruck snarled. “Qui-Gon only took you out of pity. But thanks to you he quickly realized his mistake.”

Obi-Wan’s gaze fell to his hands.

“You were a disgrace, Oafy. You disgraced your master, you disgraced Yoda, and you disgraced the Jedi,” Bruck continued as he knelt down to face Obi-Wan. “You should not have been allowed to return to the Order.”

“I pity you, Bruck. You allowed your anger and your hatred to cloud your judgment so that you chose your friends poorly. But you did not deserve to die because of it. You knew this...before the end.”

Bruck stood again and groaned. “Whatever helps you sleep at night. Besides, I don’t require the pity of a murderer.  **It should have been you** at the bottom of that waterfall and you know it.”

“No,” Obi-Wan whispered.

“You could have saved your master a lifetime of regret. Even now you are a burden to him.”

“No!” Obi-Wan screamed.

Qui-Gon watched in stunned silence as the image of Bruck Chun slowly faded into the figure of a young girl with bright red hair. Her green eyes were old, much older than her age should have allowed, and filled with restrained hatred.  

Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut. “No, Cerasi. Not you.”

Cerasi reached out and ran her hand down his cheek and under his jaw. “Look at how you’ve grown, Obi-Wan. I do believe you would be an Elder now. I should have liked to have become an Elder. To partake in the peace that my people, my  _ friends  _ fought so hard for.”

“Please leave me,” Obi-Wan begged.

“If only I could! You let me die, Obi-Wan. So I shall remain forever as you see me now, locked away here in your memories.” She tapped him on the forehead. “Isn’t that right?”

To this day, Obi-Wan’s time on Melida/Daan remained a sore subject between master and padawan and neither would bring it up willingly. Even now as he watched, Qui-Gon had to push away the anger and disappointment he had felt towards Obi-Wan when he made his choice that day. Their path of reunion afterwards had been long and arduous. So for Obi-Wan to be reliving such painful memories...Qui-Gon could not even imagine.

Tears filled Obi-Wan’s eyes as he reopened them. “I was too late. If I could have taken your place I would have.”

“You should not have been there at all.  **You did not belong** with us. You were not of our people. We were not of your  _ Jedi _ ,” she said, spitting the last word. “You only managed to make things worse and then had to beg your master to return and help you. And it is only because of him that we won the war. Not you.”

A single tear rolled down Obi-Wan’s cheek. “I stayed for you! Because…I loved you.”

“Everyone you love will leave you,” Cerasi said as she began to fade away. Only her voice remained to echo in the darkness. “That will be your punishment, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

Obi-Wan wiped his face on the sleeve of his tunic and stood shakily as if preparing himself for what came next.

Qui-Gon could only watch in horror as a new figure appeared to stand beside him. Her skin was as dark and rich as ever and the green and gold of her eyes just as bright. The sight of her was like a blaster bolt to his heart. Tahl. His beloved Tahl.

_ Surely she would speak kindly to him. Please, Tahl.  _

Qui-Gon’s heart broke as a thought struck him. A thought that had been long buried away. “Oh, Obi-Wan. No.”

“You know your master pledged himself to me.” Beneath Tahl’s soft voice was an undercurrent of derision that had not been there in life.

Obi-Wan shook his head. “That pledge was made to one of the greatest Jedi I have ever known. A Jedi who was smart and kind. You are an abomination of her memory.”

Tahl began to walk around Obi-Wan. “It was you who allowed me to die and yet you call me the abomination? I think not.”

“Qui-Gon did everything he could to reach you in time.  _ We _ did everything we could.”

Tahl snarled as she spoke from behind him into his right ear. “Everything? Does that include how you allowed yourself to be injured due to your own recklessness? Or tell me, Obi-Wan, was it out of jealousy so that Qui-Gon would stay? Did you think that with me out of the way he would not leave you?”

Obi-Wan shook his head, turning away from her voice.

“Because of you and your leg,” she said as she knocked his knee out from under him so he fell painfully to the floor, “he was delayed. Had it not been for you he would have reached me in time. Don’t you understand?”

Tahl knelt down to where Obi-Wan had fallen to one knee. His face was contorted in pain.

“He traded me for you. He traded his beloved for a disgraced padawan who has been nothing but a burden to him. He will never forgive himself for his choice that day. Just as  **he will never forgive you** .”

Obi-Wan slammed his fists against his ears. “LEAVE ME ALONE! ALL OF YOU! PLEASE!” he screamed as the image of Tahl was carried away into the darkness.

Qui-Gon couldn’t take it anymore. He dropped to his haunches to see his padawan’s face. “Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan, hear me please! Do not listen to them. For force’s sake, they all twist the truth!”

Suddenly Qui-Gon felt the same presence that he had felt when he had first entered the dream. Turning his head, he could see another figure in a dark cloak coming so close that he felt the breeze on his face as it passed.

The hooded figure made its way directly to Obi-Wan. Then kicked him in his wounded knee. “Get up, Kenobi.”

Obi-Wan slowly rose to meet the figure face to face. “Have you come to gloat?”

Qui-Gon watched the figure slowly lower his hood. His breath hitched.

The man was nearly the same age as Obi-Wan and had long dark hair falling to his shoulders. A brand of a broken circle scarred his cheek.

“Me? Gloat?” Xanatos scoffed. “You truly are a wretched creature, aren’t you? You made a better miner than you do a Jedi.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I have come to be the soul voice of understanding, Kenobi. For as you very well know I suffered the same before I, too, was cast aside,” Xanatos said feigning sympathy.

“I have not been cast aside.” Obi-Wan said gritting his teeth.

Xanatos held up a finger. “Yet. But you will be!  **He will always find another. Someone better. Someone more worthy** ...” He considered Obi-Wan fully. “Well, I say better, but clearly he’s been known to settle.”

Obi-Wan clenched his fists and then released them.

“And I see the anger management is still an issue! How marvelous that you should have not lost the very trait that forced the Council to make you a farmer. Qui-Gon should be so proud.” Xanatos laughed darkly. “ **You disappoint him. And he will leave you. Just as he left me, Obi-Wan Kenobi** .”

“He did not leave you, Xanatos! You made your own choice and others died because of you!”

Xanatos waved his hand dismissively. “They were all weak.” Then he stepped closer to Obi-Wan’s right side. “Do you truly love your master?”

The question caught Obi-Wan off guard. “What?”

“Do. You.” he repeated as he tugged on Obi-Wan’s braid. “Love. Your. Master?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes turned red, swelling with tears. “I would do anything for him.”

A menacing smile crept across Xanatos’ lips. “Exactly what I wanted to hear.”

From across the darkness, Qui-Gon watched as Xanatos leaned in closer to whisper in Obi-Wan’s ear. Obi-Wan’s face twisted in sudden grief before he nodded in understanding. Freshly shed tears slid down his cheeks. 

Xanatos then turned and looked directly to where Qui-Gon was standing. “You know what you have to do.”

It was the last words of his former padawan that echoed in Qui-Gon’s mind before a blinding light and the sound of rushing water tore him away from the dream.

The next thing he felt was the floor of his living quarters beneath his back.

As all his senses returned, he thought he could hear someone distantly calling his name.

“Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon Jinn! Please come in!”

Someone  _ was _ calling his name. Urgently.

He grabbed hold of the couch next to him and slowly pulled himself up to stand. “Master Jinn! It’s Obi-Wan!”

Obi-Wan...Obi-Wan….

Suddenly everything he had witnessed in the dream came flooding back. He scrambled over to the counter where his comlink lay discarded.

“I am here. What’s wrong? What has happened?”

“Obi-Wan is gone.” It was the panicked voice of Vokara Che.

“Gone? What do you mean ‘gone’?” Now it was Qui-Gon’s turn to panic. 

“I left him for only a moment…he became distressed…he awoke from the trance and ran out of the halls! I don’t know where he has gone. I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“Vokara! Vokara, listen to me.” Qui-Gon tried to interrupt the healer’s ramblings. “Do  _ not _ go looking for him. Stay where you are. I will find him and bring him back.”

“He is very unwell, Master Jinn.  You must bring him back soon. Please…please be careful.”

“I will.” Qui-Gon promised before disconnecting and storing the comlink in his belt. 

He strode quickly back to the couch and grabbed the flower from where it had fallen to the floor then tucked it away in his pocket. 

“Don’t listen to them, Obi-Wan. I’m coming…I’m coming.” 

Then he was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will do my best to post the next chapter before I leave for Celebration next week, but if I don't...I'm very sorry. That was a lot to leave you with.


	11. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon finds Obi-Wan. But is it too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All people have regrets. Warriors are no exceptions.
> 
> One would hope it was possible to distinguish between events caused by one’s carelessness or lack of ability and those caused by circumstances or forces beyond one’s control. But in practice, there is no difference. All forms of regret sear equally deeply into the mind and soul. All forms leave scars of equal bitterness.
> 
> And always, beneath the scar, lurks the thought and fear that there was something else that could have been done. Some action, or inaction, that would have changed things for the better. Such questions can sometimes be learned from. All too often, they merely add to the scar tissue.
> 
> A warrior must learn to set those regrets aside as best he can. Knowing full well that they will never be far away.
> 
> \- Thrawn, Timothy Zahn

Obi-Wan stood high upon the precipice of the great waterfall watching the turbulent water mix endlessly with the lake below. In the room’s false moonlight, the swirling eddy was like a great black maw ready to claim him if he should fall. The current in which he was standing beat the back of his calves angrily as if to ensure that he would.

He felt cold from the inside out. His feet were bare beneath the water and the thin tunic and pants of the healing ward did nothing to help warm him. He clenched his fists to abate the shivers in his hands, but the tremors refused to be so nullified.

A whisper slowly crept through the back of his mind.

Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut and shook out his hands. Every night they had come to him as voices in the darkness, but now he had seen their faces. He had felt their breath. Faces long gone, long dead. And they were angry. They berated him for his mistakes. His failures. His part in their deaths. Rightfully so. They deserved better. Qui-Gon deserved better. But he had nothing left to give them. There was no recompense he could offer to better serve their memory. He had been judged and could not pay what he owed.

The whisper became louder.

But he _could_ pay. That’s why he was here, wasn’t it?

He wiped the sweat from his face on his sleeve and peered back down at the churning water below. There had been no water running that day. The rocks had been exposed as if ready and waiting for Bruck. But they had claimed the wrong life. Of that he was certain.

Regret tugged at him. He wished his master were here. Not to stop what needed to be done, but only so he could explain himself. Qui-Gon could have been a great Jedi. Qui-Gon _was_ a great Jedi. Wiser and stronger than he would ever be. But he had been tethered to a heavy burden for eleven years. A burden that had caused him nothing but frustration and grief. One that he never even wanted in the first place. Qui-Gon could finally be free.

But he would not understand. So, in the end, it was better that he was not here.

Pain pulled at Obi-Wan’s ribs. A memory flashed in his mind. _The bridge. Chaos. Screaming and death. Eyes the color of rust. A heavy hand on his shoulder._ It all felt so long ago. A different time, a different man. A braver man, but a failure nonetheless.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on the task at hand. He pressed both palms to his eyes in an attempt to quell the headache raging behind his eyes. It would all be over soon. Soon he would have peace. But would the Force still accept him after all he’s done?

A sudden movement, or rather a sudden lack thereof, caused him to him to slowly remove his hands from his eyes.

Looking down, he could now see his feet buried in silt. Rocks of all different colors and sizes appeared, littering the now dry riverbed around him. He watched as the current receded to either side of the fall where the flow increased in intensity due to a sudden decrease in space. But it no longer touched him or even threatened to. At most he could feel a gentle spray on his warm skin.

Something was holding it back.

Someone.

His breath hitched. _No_.

“No,” he repeated aloud. He could not bring himself to turn around.

“No?” A deep voice from behind him questioned.

“Why have you held back the water?”

“I do not wish to get my boots wet.”

He huffed. “They would not be wet if you had not come.”

“You wish for me to leave.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“So I can make things right.”

“Then let me help you do so.”

“You do not understand what you are asking.”

“Then will you explain it to me?”

Silence.

“Do you remember the day that I did not accept you as my apprentice? The day before we both left for Bandomeer?”

Obi-Wan’s shoulders tightened.

“Your anger drove you to fight so viciously against your opponent that I convinced myself that I could not rightfully train you. I allowed my fear of losing another apprentice to blind me to your potential. It was a mistake that was unfair and unwise. You proved to me that we both needed to overcome our fear and our anger…our regrets. Even now we work to conquer these things _together_ . Is that same anger that allowed you to fight so ferociously that day gone from you? It is not and I know this. It is how we handle the situations that cause us to react in such a way that prove who we really are. Life will continue to be unfair to us, to bruise us, knock us down. But we are Jedi. We will rise above the fear, the anger, the hate simply because it is what is right. You, Obi-Wan, _you_ have shown me this time and time again.” The voice hesitated. “But you have also taken on more than you deserve. For my part in this, I am truly sorry.”

“But I _do_ deserve it,” Obi-Wan said, finally turning to face his master. “All of it…more.”

Qui-Gon was no more than a few strides behind him standing on a wide, flat rock with his arms crossed casually across his chest. His face was as calm and inscrutable as ever. Just behind him, the flow of water bifurcated and was rushing past him on either side.

He raised an eyebrow as he was allowed to regard Obi-Wan fully now. It took every ounce of control for him not to react further. Illuminated by nothing but moonlight, Obi-Wan looked like a ghost. The sweat on his brow and the white of his tunic glistened creating a near-ethereal glow. His pale skin was paler and his dark circles were darker. His blue eyes were as transparent as kyber. Obi-Wan was close to death, Qui-Gon knew. The Force around him was exhausted and he was physically weakening by the minute. He had to act quickly.

He risked a step closer. “Why? Why would you deserve this?”

Unable to bury his emotions any longer, tears began to roll freely down Obi-Wan’s cheeks. “It is punishment for all I... _we_ have lost. Each loss the result of another failure. So many others have suffered because of me.” His voice became louder as he continued, but he could not stop it.

Qui-Gon remembered all that had been said to Obi-Wan in his dream. Anger rose within him but he let it pass. “These are not your words. Your sickness has warped your memories, twisted them into darkness.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. “They are not mere words. I have seen it for myself.”

Another step forward. “What have you seen?”

“I see a wanderer. Not lost, but alone.”

He wasn’t making any sense.

“And you feel that this is your fate?”

“I feel it in my heart.”

“Obi-Wan, your heart is weary and it betrays you. Too long has it taken upon itself failures not your own.”

As he opened his mouth to speak, Obi-Wan’s face screwed up in pain before he suddenly grabbed his side and dropped to his knees. His right kneecap struck a rock so hard that it the cracked. Blood began to trickle into the sand.  

In a single stride, Qui-Gon closed the space between them and knelt down on one knee. He put a hand on Obi-Wan’s forearm, feeling his fever radiate through the cloth of the tunic.

“Please,” Obi-Wan begged Qui-Gon between gasping breaths. “I have…I have to make…things right.”

It was if the conversation had started all over again.

“Breathe, Obi-Wan. You have to breathe.”

Slowly pulling his hands away from his ribs, Obi-Wan took hold of the long braid that fell across his shoulder and placed it in Qui-Gon’s hand. “Take this and let me go.”

Qui-Gon’s chest ached with shock and sorrow. A tear fell down his cheek. “No.”

“You said you would help me.”

“I will, but not in this way. Your sickness may yet still be undone.”

“You must allow it to run its course.”

“You ask too much,” Qui-Gon said shaking his head.

“I have never asked so little.” Obi-Wan smiled. More tears filled his eyes as he tried to blink them away. “It’s okay...It’s okay.”

Qui-Gon looked into Obi-Wan’s eyes as they struggled to focus. They suddenly seemed older, worn down for someone so young.

He made a decision.

“You're right. It is time to make things right.”

“Thank--”

Before Obi-Wan could fully thank his master, Qui-Gon waved a hand just above his face. His eyes rolled back in his head and he began to sag limply forward. Qui-Gon took hold of one arm to steady him while placing the other around Obi-Wan’s neck. He pulled him forward until his head rested on his shoulder.

“May you find peace now, Obi-Wan,” he whispered.

They remained that way for only a moment before Qui-Gon shifted Obi-Wan into a carrying position. With one hand behind his back and one under knees, Qui-Gon lifted him slowly, careful not to jar his bruised side. Obi-Wan’s head lay heavy against his large chest. Then they turned and headed back to the hidden maintenance stairwell from which they both had come. Once the door slid shut behind them, the water was released from its invisible hold and each side reunited with the other with a loud clap.

  


A horrified Vokara Che met Qui-Gon when he arrived at the healing ward. She thoroughly surveyed the unmoving man in arms.

“Where did you find him? Is he wet?? Why is he bleeding? His ribs have re-fractured. Was he awake when this happened??”

Qui-Gon ignored her barrage and laid Obi-Wan gently down on the closest bed. Then he dug into his pocket, pulled out the flower, and gave it to Vokara.

“I think you will find that this is what you require. See that you use it with care as it is the only one of its kind here in the temple.”

Her eyes widened. “A marg sabl! This was here in the temple?!”

“It was in the possession of a youngling.”

“A child had this?? Master Jinn, this flower is incredibly poisonous in its raw form. I am amazed—“

“You may be amazed later, Vokara. As for now, please do whatever you need to do with it so that it may be administered quickly.”

“Yes...yes...but what of his wounds?”

“I will take care of them until you return.”

“But—“

“And I will _not_ be leaving.”

Vokara understood the threat for what it was. “Of course.” She nodded and left quickly through the halls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long to publish. I was delayed for many reasons, but I'm here now just in time for May the Fourth! Yay!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	12. Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon and Vokara work together to heal Obi-Wan.

Six hours later, Vokara returned to the healing ward to find Qui-Gon had moved Obi-Wan to a private room. And though the door to it was open, she had to stop short of entering. Suddenly it was as though she was an intruder in her own halls.

Obi-Wan was in the bed, completely still and tucked neatly under several blankets. Only his arms were free and resting on top. His face was pale in the overhead lights.

Qui-Gon sat at Obi-Wan’s right with his back to the doorway. He was leaning forward and held the untwisted strands of his padawan’s braid in one hand as he combed his fingers loosely through them with the other. After picking up a small cloth from a bowl of water on the bedside table he washed the hair until the cloth turned a light shade of pink. When satisfied that he had removed all the dried blood, he returned the cloth to the bowl and continued running his fingers through the long strands.

“Vokara, you may come in. We are almost finished,” Qui-Gon said without turning around. His hands did not stray from their task.

Vokara started as if she was a small child caught doing something she should not have been. “I’m sorry, I did not want to interrupt.” She moved into the room and waited at the opposite side of the bed.

“You didn’t.”

Dividing the hair into three equal strands, Qui-Gon began to deftly re-braid the hair starting just behind Obi-Wan’s damaged ear.

“He has been your padawan for some time now,” Vokara mused more to herself than anyone else. She was entranced by the intimate ceremony taking place before her.

Qui-Gon hummed in confirmation. “Eleven years.”

Stopping just below Obi-Wan’s chin, he secured the braid with a yellow band. Just a few knots later, he stopped again and secured the braid for a final time with a red band. The rest he left unaltered.

Finished with his task, he ran the entire length of the braid between his fingers before laying it next to Obi-Wan on the bed. He then sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“Have you come with news?”

Drawing her eyes away from the bed, she looked up to find Qui-Gon staring at her. She could see how weary he was now. His face was tired and worn as if burdened by something more than just the time and effort he’d spent healing Obi-Wan through the Force.

“I have, but one moment, if you please.” Vokara reached out and placed one hand above Obi-Wan’s brow and the other hovered just above his chest. She closed her eyes and took account of his condition.

In his chair across from her, Qui-Gon did not move nor did his face change. Only his eyes followed her intently as she worked.

Eventually, the healer lowered her hands and opened her eyes. A hopeful smile crossed her face.

“You would have made a skilled healer, Master Jinn. He seems to have responded well to your ministrations. As well as could be expected in any case.”

If she had expected the hope within her to be shared, she was greatly mistaken. Qui-Gon’s face fell even further.

“I fear you give us both too much credit. Our time together has been…a struggle.”

Something about the way he said it made Vokara unsure as to whether Qui-Gon meant the last six hours or the last eleven years.

Though curious, she did not press him further. Instead, she reached into the pocket of her long skirt and pulled out a hypospray filled with an orange liquid and a small, jagged crystal. The crystal glowed as she held it in her hand.

“Then I hope we can work together to ensure that your struggle - and mine - were not in vain.”

Qui-Gon stood. His presence seemed to overpower the small room. “What do you need me to do?”

Vokara handed him the hypospray. “Inject this and try to keep him calm. I will use the healing crystal to assist.”

“You do not believe the serum alone will heal him?”

“What I believe is that the poison will not leave without a fight. A fight he cannot win on his own.” She lowered her voice. “And if we should fail, would you not rather want to know that we did all that we could?”

Qui-Gon’s face hardened in resolution. “We will not fail.”

“Good. And will he help us?”

Qui-Gon looked to Obi-Wan and was silent for a moment. The surety in his voice wavered. “He will.”

“Then it is time.”

“How will we know if it is working?” Qui-Gon asked as he gently turned Obi-Wan’s arm.

“You will know.” Vokara set the crystal down on Obi-Wan’s chest. “After you.”

Qui-Gon held the hypospray to Obi-Wan’s arm and depressed it until the entirety of its contents entered his veins. Once it was empty, he set the instrument aside and waited.

And waited.

The room and healing hall were so quiet it was as if the temple itself was holding its breath.

Until they weren’t.

Obi-Wan’s eyes snapped open and a noise halfway between a strangled gasp and a silent scream left his throat. His back arched, his neck strained, and his legs began to kick wildly. His hands grabbed at the blankets in a desperate attempt to push them away.

Vokara closed her eyes and held the crystal against his chest. Yellow energy radiated through her fingers.

Qui-Gon grabbed both of Obi-Wan’s hands and held them. “Obi-Wan,” he called softly. “Obi-Wan, listen to me. Calm yourself. Allow your body to be healed.”

Obi-Wan’s back fell down to the bed. His chest continued to rise and fall rapidly. He tried to pull away from Qui-Gon’s restraint, but the Jedi held firm.

“He’s resisting. He needs to let go,” Vokara said amidst her concentration.

_Take this and let me go._

Qui-Gon’s jaw tightened at the memory.

“Obi-Wan,” he called again after a short time. “Obi-Wan, it’s time to make things right.”

Unsure if Obi-Wan had even heard him, Qui-Gon waited.

Finally, Obi-Wan rolled his head on the pillow to look at Qui-Gon. His bright blue eyes found the older man’s face then searched it as if looking for the answer to an unspoken question.

“Master…it hurts,” he whimpered. His face was tight with pain.

“I know,” Qui-Gon said releasing Obi-Wan’s hands. He then placed his own hand on Obi-Wan’s cheek.

Obi-Wan leaned into the touch and released a breath. He took hold of Qui-Gon’s forearm in a weak grip. “You ask too much.” His voice was no more than a whisper.

“I have never asked so little,” Qui-Gon replied simply.

Obi-Wan seemed to consider his master’s words before closing his eyes again.

Then he let go.

The room fell back into silence.

Vokara opened her own eyes in time to see Qui-Gon set Obi-Wan’s hand back down on the bed. A great sadness crossed the Jedi’s face.

“He has returned to sleep, Master Jinn,” she said as she removed the crystal from Obi-Wan’s chest. “You may rest now…both of you.”

Qui-Gon sat back down in the bedside chair. “So it has worked then.”

“The next few hours are up to him, but yes, I believe it has.”

“Thank you.” Qui-Gon nodded. He scrubbed his hands down his face.

Vokara watched him curiously.

“May I ask you something?”

Crossing his arms, he leaned back in his chair. His mood seemed to shift before her eyes. “If it relates to his health, then yes, you may.”

 _What the kriff happened before you brought him back here?!_ she wanted to ask.

Instead, she merely said, “If he injures himself again, I am kicking you both out. Understood?”

Qui-Gon smiled. “Understood.”


End file.
